oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
