I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
