Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
