I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
