i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
