i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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