You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
