shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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