my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
