The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
