Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
