I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
