so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My feet surprised me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
