no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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