Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
