Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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