Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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