dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
