He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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