If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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