HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Randomize
