Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
