a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
