you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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