I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
