I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
