i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
