dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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