He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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