I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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