Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
