How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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