okay pat passed out under dana's car
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
