the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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