Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
