Ambien. No doubt about it.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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