that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
