Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
