The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
