hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
