Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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