I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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