she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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