I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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