Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
