This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sext me about skeletons
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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