yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
