when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
