remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
