Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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